The Raghavan Instincts

I twitch and twirl and tumble within, You're missed, letting me fumble, therein. Having parted ways, for good 'ts been a not so good life, after all. Not a night without your thought. Neither the days, inevitably so. Caged on my own, for reasons many, Come back, my key, and set me afree! Saline winds and sultry thoughts Suck me dry and leave me wry. Humid, hot, and haunting spots Are all this haughty mortal's left. Sleets of your smiles jolt me hard, Blizzards of giggles leave me turbid, Flakes of our moments snowball forth And avalanche over my shaken self. Destined to meet and destined to part? Destined to long and suffer too? Why ain't I destined but to forget? It's been a not so good life, after all.

The whirls and twirls of an unsaid dance And all the glory of youth's mere glance. I eagerly learn this you bestow on me Albeit with often a slip or two. I wish it's special and nothing less, And not a mistaken friendly excess. Mystery clouds any judgement forth While also hoping merriment some. Unnerving it is, for these are so new, But 'should've foreseen it all going askew. A promising monsoon on a barren Earth Only to leave it further scorched. A dredging mind in a drudging life With everything miserable running rife Trundles on, armed with feeble hope, Wishing another monsoon breeze...

Empty nights of empty lives Filled with wholesome lack of hopes A fidgeting mind on unfinished things And unpursued desires all alike. Bereft of a listener, I turn to me And discover my contempt of myself I wouldn't blame me if I were me For I've been myself all this while. Unspoken fears speaking for themselves Undying desires helplessly dying Ashamed of all the mighty unaccomplished I simply turnover and continue wailing within. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, None to cry on, nor be disciplined by. No passers by, and no snide remarks, Let completely loose yet tied to myself. But there's one thing that lets me rest, Letting my pride fall fully onto it. The sole companion on a sleepless night – My loving soft pillow that I bury myself in.

Okay, so this happened last Valentine's Day, and my current relationship status is "status quo". i.e. Single. Or, 'Still Single'. Even blunt: #ForeverAlone The key question that lies ahead is this: "How long?" The rest is like a Maniratnam's movie, with the conversation simply juggling around the single-word questions: What. Why. Where. How. When. K. And my position in all these: Helpless. Apparently, one needs to know and have a knack of getting someone romantically involved, and I, like many others I know, seem to lack it. You can't blame us. We're just waiting for the Universe to answer our prayers. "Why don't you try on your own?", you might ask. "Will you get the slaps for me?" I would ask. Yeah, that's how it is right now. That's how it has been, and that's how it will be too. What? Seriously. Say I " like " someone. One doesn't just go and propose, does he? Okay, not proposing...

Ever since I made my first proposal, I've always been a loser. Faced a denial on my first. Also with the second. And with the third too. Wait. There was no third ! Now I remember. That's when I mentally woke up, telling myself this simple thing, "Dude, you aren't worth her !" One of my friends tried to console me otherwise, but those didn't matter much, for all that remained then was only pain. Just pain & nothing else. Dramatic, eh ? No ? #Ok. Anyway, to my knowledge *limited, of course !* , this is what happens with many guys. Most I'd say. To put it short, one can use the tagline of the popular rom-com, VTV 's mom,  500 Days of Summer . Like this. This is not a love story. This is a story about love. Or this one, preferably. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't . See? Simple, no?  Yes. It's bound to look simple. But it mostly isn't. Life is a vicious circle. The single guys appear to be ...

I was vetti sometime back, ( I still am ) bored, tired, frustrated, etc. As usual, I sat down to write a poem, but nothin came to my mind then... I remember having composed a litle tune ( I do it wit my horrible voice not at all fit for music, but only I listen to it. I wont even play them to my frenz, coz they'd mock me, as usual...! :) ). Well, comin back to the point, I was vetti (meanin " jobless ")... Took a rough sheet n started writin lyrics for the tune I had " composed ". I tell u, i find it much easier (for me) to write for some music, rather than writing somethin abstract. I think I'm improving in writin things down. I wrote the following in less than 15 minutes...! ( that's a remarkable achievement, at least for me...! :) ) And here it goes...                                       ...

"Its tough when starts ignoring u. But its even tougher to pretend that u dont mind..." I recieved this text msg ( sms ) this morning... It had something that i felt it was someone's reaction reaction to my previous post... It was jus sent as a " forward " n now i realised that these things indirectly say that we have to move " forward " rather than crying over sp(o)ilt milk...